Little Lies Read online

  Table of Contents

  Little Lies

  Copyright

  About Little Lies

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Cast

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Epilogue

  A Note To My Readers

  About The Author Helena hunting

  Connect With Helena Hunting

  Other Titles By Helena Hunting

  Copyright © 2020 Helena Hunting

  All rights reserved

  Published by Helena Hunting

  Editing by Jessica Royer Ocken

  And

  Christa Desir

  Proofing by Julia Griffis

  And The Hustlers

  Interior Design By CP Smith

  Little Lies is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are all products of the author’s twisted imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locals, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Except as permitted under the US Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

  About Little Lies

  ALL THE LITTLE LIES (YOU TELL YOURSELF TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE TRUTH)

  I don’t want you.

  You mean nothing to me.

  I never loved you.

  I turned my words into swords.

  And I cut her down. Shoved the blade in and watched her fall.

  I said I’d never hurt her, and I did.

  Years later, I’m faced with all the little lies, the untruths, the false realities, the damage I inflicted, when all I wanted was to indulge my obsession.

  Lavender Waters is the princess in the tower. Even her name is the thing fairy tales are made of.

  I used to be the one who saved her.

  Over and over again.

  But I don’t want to save her anymore.

  I just want to pretend the lies are still the truth.

  For the ones who feel everything so intensely that

  it makes the world as painful as it is wonderful.

  Acknowledgments

  Husband and kidlet, you are my favorite people, thank you for your love, I wouldn’t be me without you.

  Deb, I adore you. Thank you for matching my weird and being my trampoline.

  Kimberly you are awesome, and I love your brain, your cheerleading, your insight and your friendship.

  Sarah, you’re incredible and wonderful and I absolutely couldn’t do this without you. Thank you for knowing what I need before I even need it.

  Hustlers, you’re my cheerleaders and my book family and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you.

  Tijan, you have the most incredible heart and I’m blessed to have your friendship.

  Leigh, thank you for always sharing my excitement and always seeing the bright side.

  Jessica, Christa and Julia, thank you so much for working on this project with me and helping me make it sparkle.

  Sarah, Jenn, Hilary, Shan and my entire team at Social Butterfly, you’re fabulous and I couldn’t do it without you.

  Sarah and Gel, thank you for being graphic gurus. You’re incredible talent never ceases to amaze me.

  Teeny, thank you for not only your ability to make the insides glorious with graphics, but also for your friendship.

  Beavers, thank you for giving me a safe place to land, and for always being excited about what’s next.

  Deb, Tijan, Leigh, Kelly, Ruth, Kellie, Erika, Marty, Karen, Shalu, Melanie, Marnie, Julie, Krystin, Laurie, Angie, Angela, Jo, Lou; your friendship, guidance, support and insight keeps me grounded, thank you for being such wonderful and inspiring women in my life.

  Readers, bloggers and bookstagrammers, your passion for love stories is unparalleled, thank you for all that you do for the reading community.

  Age 6

  “IT’S SUPER FUN in there, Lavender. You’re going to love it!” my big brother Maverick assures me with a grin and a wink.

  I smile back up at him. He thinks everything is fun, and most of the time he’s right.

  “The mirrors are the best!” Kodiak announces. He’s Maverick’s best friend, but he’s my friend too. “We’ll make sure you have a great time.”

  I nod and wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep my shiver of worry inside, but it doesn’t work.

  “Lavender, honey, are you cold?” Daddy asks. “Where’s your jacket?”

  Mommy checks her purse. “We must have left it in the car. I can run back and get it. I’ll only be a minute.”

  “Ah, man,” Maverick mutters. He’s quiet enough that our parents don’t hear, but I do. His frustration is a thick blanket, heavy on my shoulders. Maverick doesn’t like to wait, and they’ve already spent five minutes trying to convince me to come with them.

  “It’s okay. She can wear my hoodie.” Kodiak unties it from around his waist and holds it out to me.

  I take it with a small smile and slide my arms through the soft fabric. It’s warm and smells like laundry detergent. The hoodie has the hockey logo from the team my daddy coaches and Kodiak’s daddy plays for. I slip my hands into the pockets, and my fingers brush candies and a few empty wrappers. Kodiak always has Jolly Ranchers. They’re his favorite. My favorite are the marshmallows in Lucky Charms, even though it’s really cereal, not a candy.

  “You’re sure you want to go?” Mommy asks quietly as she helps me roll up the sleeves.

  I nod, but don’t use my words. I don’t trust my voice right now. Besides, Mommy said we could have funnel cake after the fun house, and I don’t want to be the reason we don’t get to.

  Mommy and Daddy look at each other. They talk without words all the time. Me and River do that too. It’s different because River is my twin, but also the same in a lot of ways. We don’t always have to use words to know how the other feels, which is good since sometimes my words get stuck in my mouth.

  “River, you keep hold of Lavender’s hand the entire time, okay? That’s your job,” Daddy says in his firm voice. “You hold her hand the whole time.”

  It’s the voice he uses with River a lot, but he never uses it with me.

  “I hold Lavender’s hand. I don’t let go. I keep her safe,” River repeats.

  Daddy nods solemnly and turns to me, his expression shifting. His face is like a fresh marshmallow, softening, so much nicer. “You tell River if you don’t like it in there, okay? Robbie, Mav, and Kody will be with you.”

 
I nod and whisper okay. Daddy kisses me on the forehead and grips River’s shoulder. “Take care of your sister, and stay with your brothers.”

  River nods and holds my hand so tight, it almost feels like the bones are bending. I want to tell him it hurts, but everyone is running toward the fun house, and I don’t want to ruin it, even though I’m already frightened.

  Everything scares me.

  Too much noise. Too many people. Especially too many people I don’t know.

  There are a few people and things that make me feel safe.

  Most of the time River is one of them, but tonight I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round and there’s no way off. I want to have fun. I want River to have fun. But the noises and the people are too much.

  I stick close and hold his hand tight. My palm is damp and slippery. I feel cold and hot.

  I should tell him I want to go back and stay with Mommy and Daddy, but it’s too loud and my voice is stuck. I remind myself that after this, there will be a treat, and I’ll be back where I feel the safest. And I like how proud Daddy looked when I said I wanted to go inside the fun house.

  Robbie, Maverick, and Kodiak rush ahead, moving through a maze of mirrors. Kodiak looks over his shoulder, brows pinching together. He grabs Mav’s shirt and tries to get him to slow down, while River rushes to keep up with them. Maverick laughs and disappears around a corner. Kodiak hesitates, looking back one last time before he disappears too, and River urges me to move faster.

  I bump into my own reflection and grip River’s hand even tighter. We’re reflected all over the place. River’s eyes are bright with excitement, his smile wide. “You’re okay, right?” he asks, eyes still focused ahead, to whatever lies around the corner.

  I nod, because there’s loud music and he won’t be able to hear me. When we move away from the mirrors, some of the fear disappears, but then we have to walk through a bunch of what look like Daddy’s punching bags in our gym at home, except they have clown faces on them. I don’t like those, so I close my eyes and let River pull me along. I bump into things, and someone bangs into me from behind. I stumble and lose my grip on River, falling to my knees. Someone trips over me and a foot hits my side, so I scramble to get out of the way.

  There are flashing lights in here, and every time they flicker on and off, it makes it hard to figure out which way I’m supposed to go. The hanging clowns swing above me, knocking me over when I try to stand.

  River is calling my name, but my fear makes the world murky and unclear, and I feel like I’m underwater. I can’t breathe, or see, or speak anymore.

  This is why Daddy wanted River to hold my hand the whole time. When I get scared, my words get stuck, and I feel frozen. It makes it hard to find me, especially in a place like this. The panic monster gets bigger in my head, taking up all the space, and I suck in shallow breaths. I try to remember all the things my art teacher, Queenie, tells me to do, but my mind is racing, racing, racing, and all I want is my mommy and not to be here anymore.

  I scramble away from the feet and the bigger kids stomping and pushing their way between the hanging clowns. I bump my cheek on something hard. It brings tears to my eyes, but when I look up, I see a door with a sign that reads EMPLOYEES ONLY. I don’t know what that means, but I decide I would rather get in trouble than stay in here. I turn the knob and peek through the crack. It’s a hallway and stairs. I glance over my shoulder at the hanging clowns. I can’t go back through there.

  I step out into the hallway. I feel better and worse. I just want my mommy. I want to go home and snuggle in bed with her and Daddy where it’s safest.

  The walls in the hallway are yellow and dirty. People have written on them in marker. I hurry toward the stairs and stumble again, falling on my bottom and sliding down a few of the steps. They’re dirty and wet, and now so are my clothes. Tears prick my eyes because my mommy made me this dress, and I don’t want it to be ruined.

  There’s a big door at the bottom of the steps. It’s red, but the paint is flaking, exposing brown underneath. It looks like dried and fresh blood. In the corner is a chipmunk, scratching at the door, trying to get through a small crack. We have chipmunks up at the cottage where we go in the summer. We feed them peanuts, and they’re so friendly, they climb right in our laps to get them. But my mommy always makes sure we don’t touch our faces, and we wash our hands after we feed them. I think this one is too scared to be friendly. He wants out, just like me.

  “Hi, little guy.” My voice is barely a whisper. “I can open the door for you.”

  I push on the bar, but it’s heavy, and my arms are shaking. The chipmunk huddles in the corner, and my tears come faster because now I’m afraid I won’t be able to get out, and I don’t want to go back up into the fun house where the hanging clowns are.

  If I can just get the door open, I can get back to my mommy and daddy, and then I’ll be safe. The door finally clicks, but a thick chain keeps it from opening all the way. The chipmunk rushes outside, and I squeeze through the narrow gap. My dress gets caught, tearing at the bottom. Oh no. I don’t want my mommy to be upset with me.

  It’s noisy out here, lights flash and people scream and laugh. I suck in a big lungful of air, which tastes like cigarette smoke. The door closes behind me with a loud click.

  I feel frozen, stuck to the spot. I don’t know where I am or how to get back to everyone. My daddy always says if I get lost, I should stay where I am or find a person I trust to help me, like a police officer, but there’s no one back here except me. I don’t know which way I’m supposed to go to find my parents, and I worry River is still inside the fun house, looking for me.

  I try to use some of the calming exercises Queenie taught me, but my mind is a jumbled mess, and I’m scared.

  “Cali, is that you?” A big man appears out of the darkness.

  I stumble back a step and trip over a rock, landing on my bottom. My glasses fall off and hit the ground. The man crouches down. His eyes are empty wells, hollow and dark. He smells wrong, like the stuff my mommy puts on my scrapes that burns.

  “Are ya lost, little girl?” His words blur together. “You look just like my Cali.” He tosses an empty bottle away, and it lands in the grass with a thud.

  He’s scarier than the hanging clowns. And my parents tell me never to talk to strangers. I feel around for my glasses, but I can’t find them.

  He reaches out, and I scramble back, but there’s a garbage can behind me, and I hit my head so hard, it makes stars explode behind my eyes. I want to yell for my mommy, but my throat is all locked up.

  “Are you alone? Where’s your family?” He crowds me. “You look just like her. You could be her.” His breath makes my eyes water. “I can take you home.”

  My tummy feels upset.

  “Come on now, you’re safe with me.” His smile is missing teeth, like mine.

  I don’t want to go with him, but I’m scared out here in the dark.

  He slides his hands under my arms and lifts me. My knees are shaky, and I don’t like how dry my mouth is.

  “Don’t be scared. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He takes my hand. “You’re exactly like my Cali.” He pulls me along, and I stumble, looking back over my shoulder. I think I hear my name, but I don’t know if it’s real or not. Instead of moving toward the shouts and the rides, we’re moving away from them. I slip my hand in the pocket of Kodiak’s hoodie and pull a candy out, dropping it on the ground. Like Hansel and Gretel with the bread crumbs.

  I try to dig my heels in, but he yanks my arm and moves faster. I trip over something and lose my footing. He drags me back to my feet. He’s not smiling anymore, and his empty-well eyes remind me of Kodiak’s dog, Brutus, when he finds a squirrel in the backyard he wants to chase.

  “Don’t make a sound. Not one,” he says as he opens a door.

  I drop another candy on the ground, and he pushes me into the darkness. I stumble and fall forward, landing on my hands and knees. The floor is hard and cold.

  �
�You stay here and stay quiet, Cali, or you’re never gonna see your momma again,” he growls.

  The door closes and clicks.

  I want to tell the man my name isn’t Cali, but I’m afraid if I say anything, I really won’t see my mommy again. It’s dark like a cloudy, starless night at the cottage and smells like the stuff my daddy puts in the boat to make it run. I slip my hand in the pocket again and feel for the candies there. There are only two left.

  I wish I hadn’t tried to be brave.

  I wish I were anywhere but here.

  I start to cry, and it’s hard to keep the noises from coming out. I clamp my mouth shut and dig my nails into my palms. They bite into the skin, little silent screams.

  I tuck my face inside Kodiak’s hoodie and try to breathe in the scent of detergent and his watermelon candies.

  I’m afraid to move, because if I make noise, the man is going to come back.

  I feel around on the floor. It’s hard and cold, and my teeth are starting to chatter. My bottom is wet from falling down, and the smells in here make my tummy feel bad.

  I reach out, brushing my fingers over the things close to me. I don’t know what any of the stuff in here is.

  I find something soft beside me. It feels like a stuffed animal. I hug it to my chest and stand. My legs are wobbly, like they’re made of Jell-O. I shuffle forward and hold a hand out in front of me until my fingers touch something cold. I can hear the sounds of the carnival, but just barely. There’s a loud fan in here that makes everything outside seem far away.

  I feel along the cold surface until I find a bump. I think it’s the door. I don’t understand why that man left me in here. I turn the knob and try to push, but it doesn’t budge.

  I want to be home.

  I want my mommy and daddy.

  I want River to know I’m okay.

  I want to be able to give Kodiak his hoodie back.

  I hope he isn’t cold like me.